By Pau
Whenever I go out, I always try my best to wear my favorite accessory: my confidence. But it’s not just ‘cause I’m an Aries! It took many years of giving pep-talks to the mirror and changing the way I see things to get to a point of self-assurance I feel comfy with.
That one specific night I was headed to Pobla, I felt a bit off. While I was putting on my make-up back home, I dropped one of
my blushes, and then I couldn’t find the top I was planning to wear. I didn’t want to let these ruin my night though,
so I just put on my heels and, you know, sashayed away.
It was a friday night, and naturally, the streets were flooded with club-goers and their groups of friends.
I was going to meet a friend in the bar we agreed on going tonight, and it was still a few steps away from where
I asked to be dropped off by my ride.
Walking alone, I met the fleeting gazes of girls my age parading in their best outfits. It always made me happy to think that
we’re at a time when we can feel safe enough to dress how we want on nights out. But for some reason, I was also reminded of
the backhanded compliments I got from girls whom I thought were my friends, how they seemed very bothered about how I presented
myself and what I wore. I wondered if they ever walked the same steps I’m walking now, if they’ve finally realized that they’re
also free to dress the way they please.
As I walked in the party, I was about to contact my friend when I read the notification that she had to bail because she had
new errands to attend to. I told her it was no problem—and it really wasn’t—but I did feel more upset then, as the series of
unlucky events that was happening to me just felt more real. But I still didn’t want to give up on my night, so I braved the
crowd’s high energy and tried to turn the night around with my own efforts.
That’s when he approached me. In a dark button-down that matched his pressed trousers, not gonna lie, I was stunned at how such
a simple fit could look effortlessly classy. Baka kasi type ko lang siya.
He flashed me a smile, and despite myself, I gave him one back. We danced together in the midst of the crowd.
Hindi naman sa OA, ano, but it felt nothing short of electric. Later on, we found ourselves at the back of the bar,
flirting the time away, until he had asked the question I was lowkey hoping he wouldn’t ask.
“Wanna head out with me?”
Normally, I wouldn’t be quick to turn down such an offer—especially from a guy I felt I had a connection with.
But I could still feel my bad mood circling at the depths of my stomach, and I hoped we’d just exchange instagram users and call it a day.
I went against my instincts and said yes.
We dove out of the bar. Taking my hand, he asked me the usual get-to-know questions, and I felt like I was betraying myself every time I responded.
It was only when we reached his car when it dawned on me that I really had to tell him I didn’t feel like going with him.
Before the guilt could completely settle in, I just it blurted right out.
“Hey,” I started awkwardly. “I think I’d rather go home now, actually.”
I braced myself for sarcasm—men, amirite? chos. But he just blinked at me and nodded eagerly, as if almost shy.
“Ayos lang,” he offered a small smile. “Do you need help booking a ride?”
Although I politely declined his offer and thanked him for it, I told him that I was still interested in getting to know him more soon,
which still stood true. Then, I headed out promptly.
On the way home, I felt a bit disappointed in myself. I had spent a lot of years working on my boundaries and my growth,
and I couldn’t even say no when I needed to? But while doom-scrolling on my phone, the reasons for my bad luck had been revealed to me:
Mercury is in retrograde!
Astrology aside, though, I have to accept that some days will really just be harder for me.
I already trust myself to know what’s best for me—and even if I don’t always see it immediately,
I’ll always have the power to turn the tides and shift my course.